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Why “Hate” is a Bad Word

I teach my 3 sons not to use the word “hate.” The word itself is just that, a word. However, the meaning and power it carries by simply using it can be devastating. When one says, “I hate “this or that,” hate is not placed in that in which you hate, but rather in the haters heart, your heart. It is more damaging to the one that hates then to that in which is being hated. When you have hate in your heart, it can spread like a virus, and it becomes easier to hate, thus polluting your heart in this endless hatred, finally turning your heart black. Just by using the word “hate,” whether you mean it or not, it can spread, battle, and conflict with the love that is also in your heart. There is no good that comes directly from hate. By hating something, you allow that thing to further bother you even more then it already has. If you really “dislike” this thing so much, then let it go, if you don’t then you are allowing it to control you, thus increasing your hatred towards it. By just simply using the word this chain reaction can happen. The word “hate” should not be used lightly, preferably not at all.

How can one prevent oneself from hating? Where does hatred come from? There can be many reasons and ways for hatred to come about, but there is a simple answer. More or less, the source of hatred forms when our expectations are not met to our satisfaction. When one expects something, and it does not happen how we expected it to, we become disappointed. If we continue to have ideas on how things should be, and discriminate between things based off of our opinions, we are sure to eventually be let down. This can lead to hatred in that in which is not to our satisfaction. The answer, Do not expect. If you do not expect, you can not be disappointed. Remain neutral and remove your discrimination and prejudice which both can lead to hatred. Remember that discrimination can be as simple as valuing one thing over another. Remove that.
Don’t be afraid that by reaching this neutral state that life will be boring. It will not. Everything will be beautiful, and at the same time not, because the relativeness is gone. This is also the way to cease suffering.

The fact that I stated hate is a bad word implies a discrimination, an expectation, a prejudice is in effect. If I was in this state of neutrality myself, hate would neither be bad nor good. The two would be one. However, I used this headline to make a point. To bring forth awareness, like a slap to your head that wakes you up, just when you thought you were already awake.


  1. I actually discussed this today. I’d used the word in a sense of ‘don’t like’ and realized how it had been stripped of its meaning because of it.

    My little run-in with semantics as a non-English speaker remained superficial though, you drive the point home rather well-worded, aimed at what I (limitedly) understand as Zen very much.

    A person is the language he speaks, the words he uses more than they realize. Using hate so casually, would it imply that the concept is buried somewhere inside you? I hope not, but it’s worthwhile contemplating. As ever.

    I wonder what that would mean for the word ‘love’. Do we love this or that too often and too much, thus equally hollowing out the meaning? Or is it a good thing, should we love everything we do, hear, see, etc. and thus really love and improve our world and the world around us?

  2. Nils, that’s right, everything should be used in moderation and only when the time is right and true. When hungry, eat your rice. When tired, rest. No more, no less.

    An overuse of anything can and usually does have an overall negative outcome. I actually wrote a short poem on the over use of the word love before, it’s titled “Three Misused Words.” Check it out.

  3. One of the expectations we have of others is ‘trust’.

  4. Eve

    I was thinking about the word “hate” the other day. I was in pottery class and we were talking about cooking and I said “I hate cooking,” but really I don’t hate it. I was being subjective and pulling from past thought when I had no concept of the idea that each moment is precious and cannot be wasted–where I always felt rushed; where I had no idea that whatever one is doing is exactly what one should be doing and should be done in a positive, alert manner. Hate only confuses and destructs the way things are. So, yes, I agree. Again an enjoyable blog!

  5. Glenn, I’m not sure what you are getting at?

    Eve, Thank you for sharing your story. It compliments this nicely.

  6. Love and hate are opposite ends of the “care” scale, since you have to care enough to hate, the opposite of both is indifference. The innocent end (of that scale) is ignorance but forced indifference is denial. The frustration is connected to happiness denied. We learn contentment to balance those expectations used for motivation. Your understanding is projected in the enjoyment of so much creativity.

  7. Aruna

    Hate IS a pretty stong word. Many a times, used carelessly. I personally try avoiding the usage of this word. It could come out situationally but has the capacity to leave a lasting impression on the listener, one that may be unintended or not true at all.

    Your post is definetly “Food for thought”. Thanks :)

  8. Hate is not a bad word my friend thinks it’s a bad word but it isn’t right?!

  9. Hate is a bad word right?

  10. kris

    while I agree that the word hate is overused and most certainly leads to all kinds of negativity within the person and society at large, I disagree that hate has no place. Hate is a valid human emotion and can serve useful purposes. Hate is a strong emotion, the strongest and there are instances it is appropriate. For example, I don’t just dislike child pornography, I HATE IT!! If we are forced to water down every emotion and no longer have the right to hate, then we also lose the ability to fight against the things that are wrong and destroy our world. Of course hate is taken too far and spans into areas which are just plain wrong, and leads to many injustices. It is not ok to hate people, groups of people, etc… this comes through educating children and allowing them to experience the world through different viewpoints. Teaching them that there are many beliefs and ways of doing things in the world, and that there is no right or wrong belief system. Being accepting ourselves and passing this along to our children. Denying children access and demonizing this very real emotion of hate is counterproductive.

  11. my 8 year old son is turning 9 years old soon and we are teching him not to say bad words.
    And what do you think what i should do if he says bad words.
    from gwendolyn deadmond

  12. turn hate “words” into fun! I said, “Oh shit I said damn!” I didn’t let seriousness become a parasite of childhood. It is the fat person’s dilemma if they hurt from being real, so let kids just call it like it is innocently. Don’t project bad, for better or for worse.

  13. Frank

    I use to run an Algebra lab at our local high school and “Hate” was one of the words banned from my lab. I didn’t like to hear the students constantly saying I hate this or I hate that. I also banned the word/contraction “can’t”.

    Thanks for the nice short essay.

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  15. Atom

    I’m tired of having this conversation with people… wait, no, I HATE having this conversation with people. See, didn’t hurt that much did it? Guess what, I meant to say it too. I don’t ‘dislike’ being corrected by random people on the street for the words I choose to use, I hate it. I also hate being censored with all this lovely ‘freedom of speech’ talk that the same idiots throw around.

    Words (especially descriptive ones) have NO MEANING WITHOUT CONTEXT. Its like saying the word ‘colored’ is always a bad word cause it can be used as a pejorative, as in ‘colored people’.

    The thing that I hate most about this argument is that the same people that are happy to make my speech less scary remained silent and still when a new mother was being berated on a bus right in front of them moments later. I was the only person to intervene, out of a bus load.

    Maybe rather than focusing on semantics, we should be teaching our kids meaningful and important ways to be helpful and decent citizens.

  16. Andreas Toth

    I teach my children the same thing almost verbatim to your words. The fact is that I have discovered that, by not allowing hate into my life (in language and as a feeling), I have overcome things in my life that others in similar situations to myself have become stuck in and cannot progress past all because of hate towards others. The person who hates loses and the person who is hated wins. So why hate?

  17. Dew

    The other day my 5 year old and I went on a play date. The other kid was mad at my son because he won everytime. The kid went to complain to complain to his mom saying he didnt like my son’s attitude; that he hated him. I was appalled by the use of the word hate referring to a friend. His mother said nothing to use that word.

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    If the word “hate” bothers you, steer clear of becoming a dentist. I wish I had never stepped foot into a dental school because I never knew how much I would be hated in my life. Dentists rightfully have a good reason to commit suicide due to the brutal selfish comments people make towards dentists. Patients that say “I hate the dentist” should be behind bars for doing their part in killing these dentists. We really don’t like hearing you say you hate us. We dedicated 8 years of our life after high school to become dentists, borrowed upwards of over a million dollars building nice facilities, and deal with enormous stress to help you…..and hearing “I hate the dentist” should be considered a crime.

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  47. Ian

    I HATE when people say things like this. This is ridiculous.
    It sounds to me at first you’re saying to not overuse the word “hate,” which I agree with. Just like how you should never overuse the word Love, either. However, just like love, it should NOT never be used. The Bible itself says to moderate. If you hate nothing, you don’t hate evil, so then you don’t avoid evil, and then you sin.

    If you have no hate in your heart and only love, your love becomes pointless. If you love God just as much as you love your friend which is just as much as you love the devil, how do you think God or your friend would feel? “I love you just like I love the devil.” Jee, that’s a compliment.
    If you’re neutral, you’re neutral about everything, even love. So then your love becomes meaningless, because you are mindless.

    Also, hating something is not the same as holding on to something that you hate. Hating something is like how someone would dislike something. Someone who doesn’t like pizza doesn’t go around letting their dislike of pizza affect how they like ice cream. Holding on to something you hate so much that it affects your happiness and love and fills you with unhappiness and anger and hatred all around, is something you should not do. Everything in moderation, even moderation. Too much is just as bad as too little.

    Your second paragraph is nuts. OF COURSE you should expect things! OF COURSE you’ll be disappointed sometimes, and unless you’re mentally unstable, it will not fill your heart with hate.
    OF COURSE you should value one thing over another! It’s what differentiates one person from another, what gives people their personality. It’s how people have favorites, preferences, what makes them happy, glad, have fun, sad, mad… And as I just said above, value good over evil. And if you have no expectations, you have no expectations in life, you don’t dream, and you become a depressed, soulless wreck.

    Being neutral is the same as being ignorant. Ignorance is not bliss! I HATE how people say that. Ignorance breeds suffering. Ignorance is passiveness, how people find ways to escape out of having to take action. There is nothing I HATE in this world more than passiveness. That’s why the world is going down the drain so fast.

    Also, your definition of what hatred is doesn’t sound correct to me. What you are describing is disappointment and general unhappiness/dislike, or even just inconvenience. Generally, I hate, truly hate, things because of their consequences.
    I hate articles like this because they mislead people to be mindless, neutral, passive sheeple that sit back and let the world drag them and their friends and everyone around them by the hair down the drain to hell. And this is also part of the “nothing is good or bad” thing that seems to be going around these days, which I also hate. Both reasons are why I hate passiveness.
    I hate the prevalence of vulgarity and sexuality in today’s mainstream media because it cheapens people, especially women, and life, sex, relationships, and love. Along with dragging everyone’s morals into the ground. Which is caused by passivity, and causes more passivity, and the vicious cycle continues…

    It also seems like you’re using neutralness as a way to escape grief, unhappiness, suffering. A way to escape emotions. This is very unhealthy. “Yeah everyone, just don’t care about anything and then you won’t be unhappy!” No, you SHOULD be darn well unhappy about a lot of things! You should be happy about a lot of things. You should FEEL and live with feeling and suffer and learn how to deal with it.
    “Everything will be beautiful, and at the same time not, because the relativeness is gone.” You just stated what is wrong with this whole thing, or at least part of it. If nothing is negative, nothing is positive or beautiful either.
    If you’re neutral, you’re neutral about everything, even love. So then your love becomes meaningless, because you are mindless.
    If you have no hate in your heart and only love, your love becomes pointless. If you love God just as much as you love your friend which is just as much as you love the devil, how do you think God or your friend would feel? “I love you just like I love the devil.” Jee, that’s a compliment.

    Negativity is just as important as positivity in your life.

    Christian or no, I recommend you read this: https://www.stormfront.org/posterity/ci/hate.html

  48. Kathrine Harvey

    I will forever save this. I am always telling people to think about what they’re saying before they say it and when someone does say this word I stop them and say do you really “H8″ (sorry I can’t say it or type it myself) them? They almost always say “no, I just really dislike them!” We all laugh and it turns into a positive situation. I appreciate this being posted. Thank you for your insight.

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  53. Debbie Dedek

    I have a 7yr old great granddaughter who uses this word alot especially when she doesn’t get her way or when she gets mad or upset with someone, she says I hate you to them. She tells me this alot. I’ve punished her, I’ve spanked her, I’ve took things away, I’ve sat her down and talked to her about this word, I haven’t gotten anywhere with her. What should we do next ?

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