Why “Hate” is a Bad Word
Friday, February 2nd, 2007
I teach my 3 sons not to use the word “hate.” The word itself is just that, a word. However, the meaning and power it carries by simply using it can be devastating. When one says, “I hate “this or that,” hate is not placed in that in which you hate, but rather in the haters heart, your heart. It is more damaging to the one that hates then to that in which is being hated. When you have hate in your heart, it can spread like a virus, and it becomes easier to hate, thus polluting your heart in this endless hatred, finally turning your heart black. Just by using the word “hate,” whether you mean it or not, it can spread, battle, and conflict with the love that is also in your heart. There is no good that comes directly from hate. By hating something, you allow that thing to further bother you even more then it already has. If you really “dislike” this thing so much, then let it go, if you don’t then you are allowing it to control you, thus increasing your hatred towards it. By just simply using the word this chain reaction can happen. The word “hate” should not be used lightly, preferably not at all.
How can one prevent oneself from hating? Where does hatred come from? There can be many reasons and ways for hatred to come about, but there is a simple answer. More or less, the source of hatred forms when our expectations are not met to our satisfaction. When one expects something, and it does not happen how we expected it to, we become disappointed. If we continue to have ideas on how things should be, and discriminate between things based off of our opinions, we are sure to eventually be let down. This can lead to hatred in that in which is not to our satisfaction. The answer, Do not expect. If you do not expect, you can not be disappointed. Remain neutral and remove your discrimination and prejudice which both can lead to hatred. Remember that discrimination can be as simple as valuing one thing over another. Remove that.
Don’t be afraid that by reaching this neutral state that life will be boring. It will not. Everything will be beautiful, and at the same time not, because the relativeness is gone. This is also the way to cease suffering.
The fact that I stated hate is a bad word implies a discrimination, an expectation, a prejudice is in effect. If I was in this state of neutrality myself, hate would neither be bad nor good. The two would be one. However, I used this headline to make a point. To bring forth awareness, like a slap to your head that wakes you up, just when you thought you were already awake.
I actually discussed this today. I’d used the word in a sense of ‘don’t like’ and realized how it had been stripped of its meaning because of it.
My little run-in with semantics as a non-English speaker remained superficial though, you drive the point home rather well-worded, aimed at what I (limitedly) understand as Zen very much.
A person is the language he speaks, the words he uses more than they realize. Using hate so casually, would it imply that the concept is buried somewhere inside you? I hope not, but it’s worthwhile contemplating. As ever.
I wonder what that would mean for the word ‘love’. Do we love this or that too often and too much, thus equally hollowing out the meaning? Or is it a good thing, should we love everything we do, hear, see, etc. and thus really love and improve our world and the world around us?
Nils, that’s right, everything should be used in moderation and only when the time is right and true. When hungry, eat your rice. When tired, rest. No more, no less.
An overuse of anything can and usually does have an overall negative outcome. I actually wrote a short poem on the over use of the word love before, it’s titled “Three Misused Words.” Check it out.
One of the expectations we have of others is ‘trust’.
I was thinking about the word “hate” the other day. I was in pottery class and we were talking about cooking and I said “I hate cooking,” but really I don’t hate it. I was being subjective and pulling from past thought when I had no concept of the idea that each moment is precious and cannot be wasted–where I always felt rushed; where I had no idea that whatever one is doing is exactly what one should be doing and should be done in a positive, alert manner. Hate only confuses and destructs the way things are. So, yes, I agree. Again an enjoyable blog!
Glenn, I’m not sure what you are getting at?
Eve, Thank you for sharing your story. It compliments this nicely.
Love and hate are opposite ends of the “care” scale, since you have to care enough to hate, the opposite of both is indifference. The innocent end (of that scale) is ignorance but forced indifference is denial. The frustration is connected to happiness denied. We learn contentment to balance those expectations used for motivation. Your understanding is projected in the enjoyment of so much creativity.
Hate IS a pretty stong word. Many a times, used carelessly. I personally try avoiding the usage of this word. It could come out situationally but has the capacity to leave a lasting impression on the listener, one that may be unintended or not true at all.
Your post is definetly “Food for thought”. Thanks :)
Hate is not a bad word my friend thinks it’s a bad word but it isn’t right?!
Hate is a bad word right?
while I agree that the word hate is overused and most certainly leads to all kinds of negativity within the person and society at large, I disagree that hate has no place. Hate is a valid human emotion and can serve useful purposes. Hate is a strong emotion, the strongest and there are instances it is appropriate. For example, I don’t just dislike child pornography, I HATE IT!! If we are forced to water down every emotion and no longer have the right to hate, then we also lose the ability to fight against the things that are wrong and destroy our world. Of course hate is taken too far and spans into areas which are just plain wrong, and leads to many injustices. It is not ok to hate people, groups of people, etc… this comes through educating children and allowing them to experience the world through different viewpoints. Teaching them that there are many beliefs and ways of doing things in the world, and that there is no right or wrong belief system. Being accepting ourselves and passing this along to our children. Denying children access and demonizing this very real emotion of hate is counterproductive.
my 8 year old son is turning 9 years old soon and we are teching him not to say bad words.
And what do you think what i should do if he says bad words.
from gwendolyn deadmond
turn hate “words” into fun! I said, “Oh shit I said damn!” I didn’t let seriousness become a parasite of childhood. It is the fat person’s dilemma if they hurt from being real, so let kids just call it like it is innocently. Don’t project bad, for better or for worse.
I use to run an Algebra lab at our local high school and “Hate” was one of the words banned from my lab. I didn’t like to hear the students constantly saying I hate this or I hate that. I also banned the word/contraction “can’t”.
Thanks for the nice short essay.
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[...] a social responsibility study nonetheless. See? Studying CAN be fun! Basically, I think the word “hate” is overused in our popular culture today, especially when paired, as the verb, to the subject, [...]