Relative Dependency
Friday, June 23rd, 2006
My heartbeat
eats the world
swirled in caramel pebbles
of love and hate disguised
by lies based on truths sweet tooth
for questions and answers relative dependency
to exist with one another
under the skies and stars
wooing the moon and Mars
sending goodbyes through laughs
and cries tearful smiles
smiling at flowered roots unfolding
through soils depths holding
my grave perfectly in place
where my final fatal
h e a r t b e a t s
pace away.
I like the tie up at the surprise ending (heartbeat/pace pacemaker etc) .. could I suggest that it would read better as heartbeat paces away? Just feels to me like there should be one last heartbeat and the image of a single heartbeat wandering off seems more poignant?
Travis…wonderful use of mouth and face in this poem. Very nice.