I know I could improve this haiku though. I wrote this a long time ago. Here is how I think I could improve it - Removing my own presence and the metaphors. For in the second and last line I speak of me. The whole haiku is a metaphor for me sleeping outside under the stars. But the overuse of metaphors takes away from the beautiful simplistic natural form of the haiku. Also, since it is about “Me” sleeping outside, it should actually catagorize this as a Senryu. I guess I’m my own worst/best critic! Thanks for reading it Amy.
27. April 2006 um 11:12
This is my favorite of the haiku, probably for the strong sense of security in nature; the contrast between being in the “wild” and feeling safe.
27. April 2006 um 12:12
Thank you Amy!
I know I could improve this haiku though. I wrote this a long time ago. Here is how I think I could improve it - Removing my own presence and the metaphors. For in the second and last line I speak of me. The whole haiku is a metaphor for me sleeping outside under the stars. But the overuse of metaphors takes away from the beautiful simplistic natural form of the haiku. Also, since it is about “Me” sleeping outside, it should actually catagorize this as a Senryu. I guess I’m my own worst/best critic! Thanks for reading it Amy.